Written by Emily Tasker
Photo by Uyển Trang Nguyễn (ivy)
Last week was made up of overthinking and bad decisions,
lack of sleep and the smell of the ocean at 7pm. I started listening to old
music again which, mind you, was a brilliant idea I must say and took an
interest in tapestries (I now have one on the way to my house, needless to
say, I’m excited). I think the last week or so has been a complete eye opener
for me as a person, I’ve changed the way I look at myself and issues or topics
in our society.
Like stretch marks for example, I used to hate mine and I’m
sure if you’re a girl reading this who has them, you might too. Don’t.
They’re beautiful. Every single one is unique and has a different story to
tell. If you look close enough, you can see the little tiny tears in them and
all the different colours going through them. They’re all different shapes and
sizes and whether you like it or not, they’re apart of you and quite frankly,
again, they’re beautiful.
I’ve never really liked the ocean, well, I like it don’t get
me wrong, but I am absolutely shit scared of it. It’s ironic really, I live on
the beach, but am terrified of the ocean. But this week, I decided to just let
go for a bit, swim out past where I can stand and just, be. I’m a bit of a
strange soul, I love being in water, I can swim extremely well, but am scared
of the ocean. I think it’s more the open water thing and not knowing what lies
where you can’t see, that’s what gets my little heart beating faster then it
should. (yes I am still terrified of the ocean).
I reconnected with an old friend earlier today- when I was
balling my eyes out if I’m being 100% honest and by an old friend, I mean a
jumper that I still have from a boy I liked in 2016, it still smells like him,
still has two tiny stains on the left wrist from when I accidentally got paint
on it, the moment was kind of bittersweet in reality, now when I see him in the
halls at school, the most I get from him is a tightly wrapped hug and a small
conversation which, yes, makes my day a lot of the time.
Like I said earlier, I think my eyes have really opened up
to the world over this last week. I’ve done more for myself, started writing
more, seeing more people, getting out of the house. Don’t get me wrong it’s
taken me several breakdowns to get here. But through it, I found a little bit
more of myself, more of what makes me, me. It was a slow realization, but I
figured it out, and I’m not just an anxiety prone, fragile girl who eats
Nutella out of the jar and drinks weird flavored tea. I am sunrises and
sunsets, the fifty shades of grey soundtrack and jumpers that aren’t mine,, I
am a young reckless heart and freshly bruised knees, I am every single lush
bath bomb you can think of and the bracelet that has been hanging from my wrist
since 2015, late nights and bad intentions. I am and forever will be, the scars
on my thighs, the shit days, the good days and the days I will remember
forever. I am not and no longer will be, the anxiety prone, Nutella eating,
weird tea drinking girl. She’s gone and honestly, I’m happy she is.
- - Letting go
 The last few days have probably been some of the weirdest, emotionally ...){kind=link}
Post a Comment