Written by readersubmissions
We come across patches in our lives that don’t quite make all the sense we need. Discovering beauty in humanity is the grandest kind of magic. Sorrow, love, loss, pain, loneliness, belonging. Are all features of our very own human existence. We crave validation, an easy flow through moments of clarity, just wishing, hoping, that they would last forever. Unfortunately a constant shelter of clouds can cover your heart and mind into a fog that doesn’t seem to clear, leaving the desired destination too difficult to follow. We turn on our fog lights, keep walking along, but never finding our destination, losing hope, wondering, will this fog ever end?
In order to understand ourselves, our basic human needs, even our unique needs we must take the time to venture into ourselves, into the deepest parts where echo’s sound so distant in the hallow holes of who we are. Did someone inflict this pain onto me? Or was it something I never patched up? Don’t be afraid to ask your self these questions, self care, is most important when you're feeling lost.
For today we are talking about the empaths, the “fixers” I call them. Whether your the girl stuck as the diversion of two peoples love story, the person that tries to create or build homes for the needy inside of yourself or the person who can’t stop thinking about the broken boy in the corner. These are negative situations, these are the pains that lead me into discovering that empaths are beautiful creatures, truly made to help others in need. But entirely vulnerable into feeling the negative waves people can inflict onto your life. If you have ever tried to fix things and in doing so created a fog, here’s some advice for you.
You Think You Understand Love
Love is a complex feeling, that varies according to each person and their “realities”. Every perspective, every persons way of seeing the world is different to yours. In rare moments you find people who see it similar to yours. Which is quite beautiful, but never exactly the same. Love, is exactly what drives peoples perspectives, which branch out towards loss, loneliness and belonging. Empaths who try create safe havens for people use their perspective of love and happiness as the guidance to the broken peoples sanctuary. We try recreate our perceptions, forcing it upon people to try see the world we do. We may see a flower growing out of the cracks on a busy street, whilst others may see just the crack itself. We may like the windows down in the car because the street lights reflect on our faces and the feeling of wind on our skin reminds us of how bittersweet freedom to us. Other’s may just see the lights as lights and the wind as just cold air disturbing their concentration. We find it difficult to wrap our heads around why people refuse to change their perceptions, therefore you so desperately want them to see how great life can be. When they can’t see it we get disappointed in ourselves, lowering our self esteem, creating a funk inside of us.
Lesson
Learn you cannot change peoples perceptions if they themselves are not willing to change. Don’t force them onto people who do not take the time to listen. Save that life and knowledge for someone who truly would care to hear you out, you cannot change a person who does not want to be changed.
You Create Homes For Damaged Souls
The whole reason of being an empath is feeling everything around you. If someones in pain you feel the pain, if someones happy you are feeling the enjoyment. Like a muse. This is a blessing and a curse. When you somehow connect to a person, love can be revealed. Not just romantically but platonically as well. As we learn about people, the things they love, their passions, dreams, morals and views on life we find it intreating and bring ourselves to dig deeper to discover more. This is just humans in general, the deeper we know people the more we trust them. When that connection grows we create homes inside of ourselves for people to take residence. We only do if we invite them in and us empaths, we are pros at doing that. The problem is they place themselves inside of you, like a battery sucking all the good out of you until they leave you dry with not much more to give. They keep coming back for more, each time unsatisfied with our energy leaving each time, the door creeping to a close. But we let them stay, because hey, they are apart of us now, and us apart of them. Well, we hope. But one day they leave, closing the door to your perfectly built home leaving you behind to weep in sorrow and despair questioning to yourself why you invited them inside in the first place. This can be damaging to a persons heart and soul especially when a person abused the home you had perfectly built for them, with secure walls, filled with love, art and passion. But sometimes that cannot fix the broken home’s inside of themselves. The cycle is vicious but prominent, they once may have had multiple homes for people they loved, who abused their walls and furnishings so brutally they crawl their way into others hoping they could find residence inside of them. An alternate search for belonging because they feel they no longer belong to themselves. I get it, it’s heartbreaking! And you don’t want to give up on people, because you feel selfish but sometimes you just have to. Yes. People change people, but sometimes people can only change themselves when they decide to heal, that the only time you can encourage your help. If they don’t treat you fairly, then you must leave because they end up always leaving, because their home inside of them, remains unattended, empty and broken.
Lesson
Vulnerability is good when used appropriately. Taking care of our heart is important, don’t let people in too well especially when you're an empath and feel things incredibly deeply. This can leave you feeling empty, lost and alone. All absolutely treacherous feelings a human can experience. So learn to protect your heart, don’t let the unworthy in, don’t try create homes for them, they must fit in yours perfectly or not at all.
Finally how do we escape out of our funky fog. Time I believe is always the best healer. Time can be our enemy but also our dear best friend, never be afraid of time, use it as a resource and look at it as a blessing in this period in your life. Dark times are rough, especially when the mistake was made from good intentions. It’s devastating but that’s the beauty of a lesson my dear ones. Lessons teach us things that we can absorb and take onto the future situations that may be similar or more difficult. We can analyse and use the things we have learnt to maybe educate others or protect ourselves.
♡ Do things that make you happy. As hard as it may seem, connecting to your roots can remind you of yourself even when you have been shattered and lost. It’s the beauty of being you in the things that you love to do
♡ Take care of your wellbeing. Neglecting your heart, body, mind and soul is just a recipe for disaster. Making the effort in a funk is always a little more difficult, but if you decide to take that time out of your day to eat well, have a nice shower, wash your face, go for a walk. You are already on the road to recovery.
♡ Protect your heart. Your most adored aspect which people try to pursue because it’s so full. Keep it that way! And protect it, because it is what makes you so desired.
♡ Look at the positives. Cliché right? But it’s very true, denial of the situation is one thing but constant in denial and negative thoughts will always drag you down no matter if you follow any of my advice or other steps. All of this refers to looking at the positives in a situation, even if it may be that you were meant to learn a lesson. Or speaking to someone who relates. Connection is still a major part in healing and maybe igniting some positive ways of pot raying a situation from an outside perspective.
By no means am I giving anyone the idea to never take a risk, never fall in love or never venture inside of people in order to discover hidden mysteries. No, those are some of the beautiful things in life. Those are the cherished moments of clarity that build up the most important moments in our lives. But this is some advice from one empath to another who had created numerous homes for the weak and the tired and came out exactly the same as they were, maybe even worse. But I refurnished and painted my walls again, all on my own. And now my home is filled with love, passion, endurance and self care because I AM all that needs to take a permanent residence is me.
If you like my content check out my blog Kids with some similar content.
Also thanks cinnamonhoney.co for inviting me to write on the collaborative blog, stay just as you are!
Much love, Cherise xoxo <3
Words and photos by Cherise
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